Monday, November 24, 2008

no one could stop us

We were lions
That summer when we told each other secrets
And we spent every night sleepless
Hunting, playing, watching,
Never waiting, never wishing, never wanting,
Through grass and through strange streets
We strolled on tires and on our feet
Exploring, taking, wondering,
Never sitting, never longing, never hoping,
The sun, the sound, the stagnation of the summer,
All were as close to us as we were to each other
Loving, praising, touching,
Never liking, never lacking, never yearning,
Sleeping in the morning in a foreign place
Gargoyles of the human race
Stealing, accompanying, kissing,
Never giving, never alone, and never quiet,
All of us with the collective fear of being dissolved
Constant wishy-washy feelings of segregation
Connected, collected, contained,
Never separated, never divided, never alienated,
Reminding each other with unspoken messages
The steady question we whisper, “Are you my brother?”
And the unvarying answer, “Till the end.”
That is all we needed to know because
We were the pride, we were the pack,
We were the lions

For a second there I felt invincible
I felt alive and unafraid, I knew I was going to be ok,
I knew who I was and I knew the boys who slept around me
and that was enough.

Thursday, October 30, 2008


Things have been bugging me lately, I'm constantly put in situations with people who group themselves into statistics, trends, and mediocrity. Its this blending in, hiding who you are, and hating what you could be, that is driving me insane. We all fall into trends (I'm definatly not an exception) but between going to school and work I am flooded with look-a-likes. We put on masks to hide what we are, we live through our stories and friends instead of our futures, we are proud to not know anything about ourselves. We are content with grouping ourselves into these neat packages that are easy to explain. We make rules about our personality, our emotions, and our thoughts. I believe humans are deeper than what we show other people. I think we are deeper than just cells, tissue, and carbon blueprints. We are deeper than science. We are more unique than we all like to believe. Our skin is a permanent Halloween costume. I'm not writing this to change the path of society (this is a free blog posting competing with the advertising industry that spends three billion dollars on ads a me I'm not trying to win this battle). I just wish everyone was proud of everything that makes them different. "if only you were camoflage, you could return back to the trees, but you and I both know you could never leave the city."- Fear Before

thanks for reading

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

my old place

I've been thinking lately about some thing that is very disappointing about Earth (not that I don't enjoy living here). I find our desire to find magic in anything has ceased to exist. I would very much like to find a hidden wood where no greed has ever wondered into, where the animals still talk, and good beats evil under every circumstance. I still pretend that those places exist. I go into forests all the time pretending I'm still the leader of the centaurs. I cast spells and make swords and spears out of branches, but they aren't like the ones my army used to make me. I used to make crowns to put on my head and I was a prince that fought in the name of a good empress. I was blessed with the best land and a beautiful princess. I created creatures in school and then when school was over I fought them (or befriended them). The land full and I loved it there. I went everyday to be with my friends, the trees, the centaurs, and the animals. I was the protector until the day I couldn't protect any longer. I watched as the trees stopped talking to me and the bulldozers and tractors slowing took enormous chunks out of the best land that was given to me. My land got smaller and smaller until war was finally upon us. I watched as my centaurs fought so bravely to keep them away and lost their lives. All the creatures I had created, all the friends I had invented, and all the things I protected from unstoppable nightmares they all looked at me. I could hear what they were saying though they did not speak, "Come on prince, one last time cast them out of your land, stop them, save us all like you did all the other times." But I could do nothing but watch as the machines killed them, taking all their land and leaving the survivors to starve. I can't go back there. I was their prince, their protector, and their life; I stood by and watched them all perish because there was nothing I could do. I miss them all greatly. I wish I could write a book about all those things I did, but my life doesn't really allow me to stay focused on one subject for too long. Maybe one day when my life is less crazy I'll be able to record everything that I experienced as a prince of a land forgotten. Maybe.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

the shrub that should be a tree

In the Garden Center of Home Depot, where I work, there is this tree (it's more of a shrub right now but it will be a tree) that was dying for the longest time. It is on the edge of all the other trees of its same type and unfortunately it was neglected for too long. All of the employees walk past it everyday and pay no attention to the dying tree that sits on the edge of the shelf in the heat, where it is never watered. The leaves have all fallen except for one branch that still remains green but the soil is dry and the other branches are brittle and burned. We, including myself, thought it was a lost cause to care for the tree that has been overlooked for months. It held on for as long as it could watching as we all walked past with buckets of water, plant food, fertilizer, and water hoses that spew water all over the concrete. It watched as we watered its peers and then looked at its brown body in disgust and awaited the day it would be thrown in the garbage for being completely dead. Holding on with its one live branch and roots in the dry dirt in the container that confined the plant to its personal hell, waiting for someone to even wish it well.

As I was watering one day I looked at this shrub that should be a tree and looked at it and looked at it and looked at it. I thought about how it must feel to be that tree sitting there being burned slowly alive and no one cares, everyone walks by waiting for you to die so they can throw you away. (The plant distributors will not allow us to throw away plants unless they are completely dead) The more I thought about it the more I realized that I treat people the very same way we all treated this shrub that should be a tree. I walk past people who need me, who need just someone to care; someone to just listen to them and bring them out of the heat and save them from their personal hell they are contained in and cannot get out by themselves. I see these people, they are acquaintances, strangers, and friends who just want someone to give them advice, tell them they aren't alone, to pull them into the shade and water them. Just like the shrub that should be a tree there are people who should be my friend and I don't allow that. I hold onto friends who never really needed any watering or care, and I kept the shrub out of the range of the sprinkler just like I keep people out of my heart, I break them down and slowly kill them (emotionally) to where they don't want to be my friend they are waiting to be thrown away. They hold on for months and years and sit on the edge of my heart and I do nothing, I walk past them and invest in friends who are fine. These people wait for me to stop and look at them and look at them and look at them and realize that I could help them through what they are contained in, I could bring them into the shade and water them. I could care for them and let these people turn into friends like they should be. I'm going to care for them, it's what God created me to do.

The shrub that should be a tree has now been put in the shade and watered not only by sprinklers, but is also hand watered everyday that I work. It has been placed in the center of all of its tree friends and so far looks like it is going to make a recovery.

Monday, July 21, 2008

we all need friends

A friend, that is what you need,
someone who listens, sheds skin,
anyone who is there to be there
not somebody ready to recieve,
but somebody like a pool of water
that you can indulge in,
water doesn't talk back, it listens,
like a friend,

you need someone you can jump into
for shelter, to cool down, to listn to you,
a pool of water to ripple, splash, dive,
to keep you afloat, to make you light, and boyant
you need a pool of water
not to drink but to listen,
to cover you in liquid,
shower you and cleanse you,
to befriend you,

you need a friend like a pool of water

(not directed at anyone just think that everyone could use a friend like this)

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Kinda a long time

I'M BACK TO WRITING POETRY!! and I'm really happy about it. For the longest time I wanted to say so much and put it into such a compact piece of work, but I'm now writing on a daily basis which is healthy....I think....I feel healthy.

I'm playing guitar. Capitals has drafted me as the second guitarist for them so I'm doing that but I'm also playing some acoustic stuff just around my house and I enjoy that also. I'm not as good as I wish I was but I'm working on it.

Life has become more complicated and more simple at the same time. Since Christmas I had hit a stailmate with God and myself. I didn't feel I was pursueing God at all, our relationship had not progressed (which is probably why I couldn't write either) but I'm now finding God in something I never thought about finding Him in...people. I've always looked at nature and other things and seen God's hand in them but I've never focused on people having God move through them and making them beautiful. We are miracles...who knew?.

Tegan and Sara is a really great band.

Wall-e was the best movie I've ever seen in my whole life. I love it so much I cannot get over how good it was. Everyone should see it. It had two really great life lessons about obesity and pollution, and a little lesson about not allowing robots to take over the world.

I read a short story called "A Very Old Man With Enormous Wings" I liked it very much. It just showed me that our population isn't looking to see miracles or proof that there is a God, society is just wanting to see an opportunity to benefit itself by using said miracles and proof that there is a God.

I'm going to be moving to a department pretty soon at Home Depot, that means I will be getting a promotion and also I will not longer work at a cash register. Good.

Jordan's name on T-9 comes up as Korean, and he does not like it when you call him Korean.

Rihanna's song Umbrella is seriously one of the best songs to ever come across my ears (at least top 10). Her voice is so silky smooth and she makes me want to finish every sentence with an "ella, ella, ella, ay, ay," but my voice is a little too masculine.

Summer and I are back to being friends again and it is nice, we hang out together when all the drinkers are partying.

I really don't have much else to say, when I get a poem written that I really like I will post it. Hopefully that will be soon.

Thanks for reading.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

summa tYme!

I'm pretty excited for the summer to get here and today as I was driving home from "work"(Home Depot) I was thinking about all the things I'm really stoked about doing which includes (but is not limited too):
1. Going to Enchanted Rock with Jacob, Alisha, and Katie.
2.Seeing the Cabaret and spending time with some of the nicest/dumbest/coolest guys in the world.
3.Making friends with Richie (my future room-mate, he is already my friend but I want him to be my bro) and I'm gunna try to make friends with these two brothers (Irv and Elvis, they are just two huge guys and all they do is wreck the pit at the Cabaret shows) I'm kinda afraid to talk to them but once I make friends with them I could pick a fight with anyone and they would help lay the SmackDown on them.
4. Being done with school until the is great and way more fun but I still would like to have a 3 month break.
5. I'm excited about living with Korey, Andrew, and Richie.
6.I'm ready to get out on the lake and slay some noobs on the tubes, I've taken out everyone this year except for Ben ButtCrack Johnson...he is the only one I have never defeated.
7. I'm ready to see my sunflowers grow. I planted some in this little patch in my yard. I planted 6 kinds of seeds: Moonwalker Sunflowers(the petals are white), Mexican Sunflowers(petals are red and yellow), Mammoth Sunflowers (they grow 12 feet tall...i'm really excited), Aztec Gold Sunflowers(the kind you eat), Fuzzy Face Sunflowers(they don't have the little brown disk in them the whole front is this fuzzy yellow stuff and they look so funny), and Full Sun Sunflowers(they have tiny petals and big brown disk).
8.I'm ready for Seek Week its gunna be legit.
9.Having Kenan out of my life because he is in Okalahoma Aviation School...He is gunna be a pilot. I'm just joking I really miss him.

thats all I can think of off the top of my head

Things I'm not excited for about summer:
1.being 19
2.having onions sneaked into my food at fast food places
3.not seeing jordan, cuz he has a girlfriend and he is going to dissappear again I just know it.
4.Having Korey call me everyday just to talk.

Korey has gotten a job at Home Depot as well and since we both like "the office" very much, we both have been making attempts to make Home Depot like that and it has kept us pretty entertained. I steal Korey's things and then act like they are mine, and I'm going to hide his apron in the break room lockers one day and make him play deal or no deal until he picks the right locker (there are 150 lockers). I'm pretty excited summer should be good.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

some new things...what I'm all about these days

WELL I got a job at Home Depot, I'm a cashier, and I haven't gone yet but on monday I will and I'm pretty excited.
Phil works there and Korey and I both applied the same days (unintentionally which makes it pretty cool) and we got hired the same day for the same job...we both start on monday. I'm getting paid $8.50 an hour so it should be pretty cool.

Every time I Die is one of my new favorite bands...and if anyone could find the meaning in these lyrics I would greatly appreciate it "the best lovers were murderers first" like 56 people have those lyrics as a tattoo and i wanna know what it means.

I got a girlfriend...its pretty cool so far.

I'm starting to think my friend Ben is a professional assassin, WE asked him if he would like to hang out this weekend and he says "NO, I'm going to New York for the weekend"
josh- "why ben?"
ben- "because I have things to do"
I think "things" means he has to kill somebody for some money. That would also explain how he doesn't work and yet he always has more money than anyone else in the world.

Another really great thing that I am all about these days is I really enjoy calling Ben by stupid names like: Ben Beef Jerky Johnson, and Ben Butt Crack Johnson (say it out loud it rolls right off your tongue and its so funny)

I recently watched WRESTLEMANIA with korey and jordan (it cost $60) and I'm pretty sure watching it made me drop like 10 IQ points.

My cell phone battery is the worst in the world and I charge my phone about twice a day; luckily it takes about 20 minutes for my phone to charge completely.

Alishia is the only girl to braid my hair...and the only one capable of doing it, others have attempted but she is the master of da braid.

Saw the movie Jumper, it was really good but it also pissed me off because the whole time I watched it I just wanted to be able to do that...and have Samuel L. Jackson try and kill me, that would be so cool.

Totino's Pizza is the best.

Thats all I can really think of...thanks for reading

Thursday, March 20, 2008

so turns out its not cool

Ben, Korey, Cory, Kenan, Abe, and I were all in Austin enjoying a boys night out, just eating CiCi's and chit chatting about girlfriends and the Matrix. Ben just recently turned 18 and explained that he still hasn't bought porn(neither have I and I'm almost 19, I haven't even bought a lottery ticket yet) but Ben says it is a must. So I agree with everyone that it will be a great experience for all of us being 18 to go into a porn shop we do. IT WAS NOT COOL! half the stuff made me want to throw up, the other half was weird and just made me feel really disgusting for looking at I went in thinking I was going to buy porn with Ben and it was gunna be a great bond between us....I left empty handed and never looking at Ben the same for buying "DEBBIE DOES DALLAS...again"(its the sequel so it must be good). but something good did come out of the trip I learned that if you ever wanna find the weirdest people in the whole world, go to a porn megaplex. I saw so many private parts that I have become numb to the female and male anatomy, my whole teenage sexual drive has completely vanished forever, I have the hormones of a 99 year old man(who has been married for 80 and had a visectomy).
Hopefully I will get in a car wreck going to school today and it will give me abnesia and I can forget what I witnessed.
...just thought about it, Ben said we were gunna watch "debbie does dallas...again" together but he home alone with it....yikes.

stay breezy

Wednesday, March 5, 2008


well Tuesday was the day for the voting primary(I'm not exactly sure why it is called that or if I used it correctly) and I voted for the first time in my life. I woke up early drove over to the volunteer fire department and did some voting. I voted on the democratic side (I'm not a democrat or a republican) and I voted for Obama. He seemed like a nice guy on TV and he is better than Hillary (mostly because she reminds me of the witch on snow white and she talks like her too).
In speech class on tuesday we split into our small groups (I am actually becoming very comfortable with these people since we spend a hour and a half together) and everyone was speaking of the primary and no one had voted yet except for me and they asked me who I voted for and I told them Obama...I recieved a gasp, a "NO WAY", a "why?", another "WHY!!!?, and glare and "ugh" combined. Not knowing that all the people in my group are either republican or "anti-Obama". I told them he seemed like a nice guy and he had some really good points that I liked. Then two of the girls in my group proceeded to tell me how Obama was from the Middle East and they believed he was a part of Alkida(spelling?) then another girl said he was the anti-Christ and was going to kill everyone. I then told them that Obama is not from the Middle East his father is Muslim and his mother is Christian (don't ask me exactly how they get along) his name sounds Middle Eastern but it is just a Muslim name. Obama was born in America and he is African-American not middle eastern.
Then the "Obama is the anti-Christ" girl told me that in the Bible it says "the anti-Christ will rise from the Middle east" (I have no idea what Bible she is reading but we obviously don't have the same version)...I then told her "no, I think your thinking of a different quote, (i happened to have my bible in my back pack) Revelation 13 says 'the beast will rise from the sea" so that ended our discussion everyone wasn't mad just wanted to press their opinions upon each other. but here is the real reason i thought this was so funny (I didn't want to say this to them because I wanted to win the arguement)
Well again Rev. 13 says "the beast will rise out of the sea" and Obama was born in Hawaii...made me laugh on the inside. So Obama could be "the beast" if he grows 10 horns seven heads with 10 crowns on his horns....if that happens I voted for the wrong guy.

p.s. I think Mitch should run for president when he turns 35.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


I haven't written a poem is so long and I didn't even feel the need too either, but the other day I was talking with one of my friends. He/she(using this to keep this person's identity hidden because they released very personal information to me) began to talk to me about God and how they did not feel His presence in their life anymore. Her/his sense of abandonment made me so sad and I tried to comfort them but there is only so much that you can say to someone who is in this possition. They have been put through alot and I don't blame them for any of the things they said. Sooo I wrote this poem from their point of view, they don't read my blog so I don't think they will mind. Yeah, I just wanted to clarify this isn't a personal poem but more me writing as another character in my life.


Once You were something to me
talked about and praised by my family,
now I think You're there
but You're not nearly as close
as I thought You would be,
God don't leave, God don't leave,
God I wanna believe that You're here
Are You in me? Are You in me?
People try to preach,
but they don't look at me the way they teach,
God is it me? God is it me?
God can it be that You love all but me,
I believe You made something
I just don't know if You and I were meant to be
God I believe? God I believe?
but I just don't see,
God won't you speak? God won't you speak?
so that I know that You are here with me
be with me, and let me see
God so much damage has been put to me
help me, fix me, and make me something You'd like
why don't You believe in me, a child with a bloody sleeve?
God do You love me? Will You love me?
because I know I'm not complete,
God will You fix me?
complete me, come down and complete me

thanks for reading, if you have any suggestions to what I should say to this person let me know, its really hard to talk to them so any advice would be awesome.

Friday, February 15, 2008

my new (townie) life

I have not posted a blog in sooooo long and I think enough has happened in my life to blog about. I haven't openly admitted it to everyone that it really effects, my friends in the dallas area, but I have moved back to Burnet and I am going to ACC for the remainder of the school year. I drive every morning to school and enjoy the sunrise on my "long" drive to educate myself. I'm taking 15 hours this semester which is alot better than my 19 I took at UNT, however I accidentally signed up for General Chemistry(the class after intro) instead of Intro to Chem. and am struggling in understanding what exactly is going on, but I was too proud to drop the class and I am now stuck in it but it will get better I am sure. I am transfering to Concordia in the Fall 08 or I at least plan to, I might do more at ACC just because transfering is not really easy to do or to keep track of.
I have found a new love for the two taco deal at Jack in the Box, the meat in them is orange and surprisingly tasty...and they are 99 cents for two.
I have made new friends with all the members of a band called Arch Bishop, who currently reside in Brady, TX. I don't know how I get along with them but I do they remind me of my friends to some extent and its interesting to me to see them interact with each other.
I spend about 20% of my day in a land called Keygla(I named it) where I am a mere prince who shares land with a princess(Katie) and we bow to a king(Jacob) and all three of us bow to a empress(Alisha) and her newly acquired emperor(Saw or Samer).
I am still playing harmonica and got a keyboard for Christmas and I have been playing both very frequently.
I got poison ivy really bad on my face the other day when I was in Austin because I ran into some woods I was certain had a dead body inside body...just poison ivy.
I went bike riding for the first time in a long time and it felt so good with this nice weather in Febuarary.
Also I was in a pretty major car wreck with Katie while she was driving and we spun off the road and into a barbed wire fence, both of us walked out of it alive and scratch free (her car however was not so futunate), God had definatly blessed us.

Oh I found out today that Ben is going to the Opera or Ballet (I don't remember exactly) but I assumed he was taking emily, his girlfriend, because it is Valentine's weekend and all....NO he is taking Jeff W.....totally did not see that one coming.

that is all I can really say....I'm a townie but only because I want to be!